SHAME – A Lurking Enemy of Good

Thoughts of coulda, shoulda, woulda flashed through my head last Thursday evening as I waited for the endless rainstorm to convert to snow as had been predicted. I had postponed my event for that night after hearing the dire predictions measured in feet of snow, not inches. I knew there would be women coming from the far reaches of Connecticut and did not want to put anyone in harm’s way. So I picked a new date with host Marjory Abrams, let the caterer know it would now be held on March 15, then proceeded to contact everyone on my list via e-mail and phone.

I missed one person who called me from the appointed location at 5:30pm to inquire about the event. Seems I had completely missed her registration and had not entered her on my list of attendees. She never got a phone call or an e-mail message with the change-of-date explanation.

I didn’t see her name on the list and thought the error was on her side. When she got home she forwarded me her receipt which had inexplicably never made it to my Outlook inbox. Stuff happens.

I immediately called and apologized, but the aftermath of my error stayed with me. I was mortified. I beat myself up.

Then I had a good talking to with myself. I’ve learned an acronym for SHAME:  Should Have Already Mastered Everything. I learned that well growing up. The message I would hear was something like, “And of course you know that…” which set me up. If I did know, it was self-evident that I should, and if I didn’t know, well, there was no excuse. I learned to fake it or keep my mouth shut. Neither an appealing option.

Here’s what I said to myself on Thursday: “Jane, you did the absolute best you could. You handled this situation as you would respect someone else’s handling of it. And you made a mistake. You called the person, offered to make good on the error and apologized from your heart. That’s enough. Move on. Do something now that feels good to you.” And I did.

What ways do you make amends for human (or other) errors in your business relationships? Love to get your input, please post your comments on my blog.

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